OUT OF THE SHADOWS: Financial Abuse Is Lesser Known But Prevalent In Domestic Violence Cases4/1/2015
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ESSEX COUNTY, Va. — The man accused of fatally running over his girlfriend in Essex County last month has a troubled past, according to court documents. Essex County Sheriff Stanley Clarke said Benjamin Matthew Gray left his 36-year-old girlfriend Yolanda Smith to die in the median of Route 17 after the pair got into an argument Feb. 28. While Smith was riding in Gray’s SUV, he allegedly threw her out of the vehicle before purposely running her over at the intersection of Boston Road and Tidewater Trail. Gray’s criminal past includes charges of aggravated malicious wounding, shooting into an occupied building and assault and battery on a family member. Those charges were listed in Richmond Circuit Court from 2005, 2006, 2009 and 2014. “He is a troubled person. Whether it is because of mental illness or issues with drugs or alcohol, I wish she would have learned a little bit more before getting involved with someone like that,” Lindo said. Gray is now facing a first-degree murder charge and a charge of attempted murder. That second charge is because a third passenger in the car tried to help Smith when Gray allegedly ran over her repeatedly. That third person wasn’t injured. Lindo said that she believed the third passenger ran away to get help. Investigators said Gray turned himself in to the Essex County Sheriff’s Office nearly six hours after the incident. (Tawanda Lindo, Yolanda Smith's sister) Lindo spoke exclusively with CBS 6 News Monday and explained how painful this has been for her family. Lindo said her sister was a woman with a big heart, who would do anything for loved ones and friends. She loved to cook and had in years past worked as a cook at a local nursing home in the Tappahannock area. Lindo said her sister moved in with Gray a few months after meeting him and the troubles began. Lindo explained that Smith became isolated from her family and she didn’t have much face-to-face contact with her for the past several months. When she did, it was often through text messages. She said she believed Gray and Smith’s relationship lasted for about one year. Additionally, Lindo said several months back her sister gave her a journal that she was keeping that detailed alleged abuse at the hands of Gray. She said her sister started keeping the journal when the relationship with Gray turned very violent. Lindo said she hoped her sister’s own words will help prosecutors paint a clear picture of who Gray is and what he allegedly did to Smith. Lindo said it was heartbreaking that she and her family could not get Smith to break away from the turbulent relationship with Gray, despite numerous violent incidents between them. She said it’s been difficult explaining to her own five-year-old daughter that “Yo-Yo,” as she was lovingly called, would not be coming over any more for family visits. Smith was laid to rest on Sunday. Lindo said the other thing that keeps them going is being there for Smith’s 14-year-old son from a previous relationship. “I think that’s the biggest thing helping us get through this. We have to be strong for her son. She would not want us to mourn but it’s still difficult,” Lindo said. As a result, Lindo says they are now focused on making sure that Smith’s son RaSeandre has a bright future. An account has been established to assist with the teen’s education. Lindo says the 529 account #11201567 is in ReSeandre’s name and can be sent via mail. To mail an inVEST contribution, send it to P.O. Box 759226, Baltimore, MD 21275-9226. Now Lindo and her family are praying for justice for Yolanda and that this tragedy will give others in troubled relationships strength to get help. “Get out while you can, especially if you have kids. You don’t want kids to see this and think that it’s normal behavior. You don’t want the cycle to repeat. Break the cycle. They don’t have to stay in abusive relationships. Their lives are more important than that,” Lindo said. (Originally story taken from www.wtvr.com) Black women are almost three times as likely to experience death as a result of domestic violence/intimate partner violence (DV/IPV) than White women. And while Black women only make up 8% of the population, 22% of homicides that result from DV/IPV happen to Black Women and 29% of all victimized women, making it one of the leading causes of death for Black women ages 15 to 35. Many of these women’s stories go unnoticed or live in shame, but award-winning R&B singer and activist Raheem DeVaughn decided to do something about it. Raheem DeVaughn held a “Queen For A Day” event through his Love Life foundation for a room full of women–strong, determined women who survived domestic abuse and now share their stories of triumph. DeVaughn partnered with Lyn Twyman of the L.A.S.E.R.S. domestic violence awareness foundation to find the women to pamper for the day. The ladies were treated to a delicious brunch of chicken and waffles by Kitchen Cray and nail, massage and hair treatments by the host venue Maisie Dunbar Spa Lounge in Silver Spring, Maryland. This “Queen For A Day” event was created to encouragement these women to move forward, tell their stories and inspire other women to leave their domestic violent situations and start a living like a queen. Statistically, Black women experience sexual assault and DV/IPV at disproportionate rates and have the highest rates of intra-racial violence against us than any other group. We are also less likely to report or seek help when we are victimized. Each one of the Queens took the mic and gave their inspirational stories of triumph over their difficult domestic violent situations. These interviews will be a part of a series of webisodes. Throughout the day it was evident that each lady thoroughly enjoyed the pampering. The inspirational day ended with Raheem DeVaughn singing a couple of his new songs and a few familiar songs from his multiplatinum selling albums. DeVaughn’s Love Life Foundation seeks to support an array of community issues such as HIV/AIDS, cancer, autism, mental illness, music and of course domestic violence.
One of the attendees gave a heart breaking testimony of how she was raped, molested, beaten and because of it all, she now suffers from epilepsy. See a full recap video from HelloBeautiful: (Original story printed in BlackDoctor.org) Actress Halle Berry was recently honored for her work at the Jenesse Center, Los Angeles’ oldest domestic violence center.
While attending last night’s unite4:good unite4:humanity’s gala, the Academy-Award winning actress revealed why the organization is so near to her heart: her mother is a domestic abuse survivor. Halle, who’s been volunteering for 15 years, told the audience according to E! News: I wasn’t married to a man that beat me up, but my mother was. Halle confessed she was only 5 years old when she saw first hand when her mother Judith Ann Hawkins being beaten, “day after day after day”. Halle also admitted to watching her mom get “kicked down the stairs” as well as hit in her head with a wine bottle. Halle stated: Knowing that she wanted nothing more then for her little girls to see her be empowered and be a woman of strength, but having no way to make that happen was heartbreaking for me. MUST READ: This All-Too-Real Domestic Violence Ad May Be The Most Important Thing You’ll See During The Super Bowl [VIDEO] Halle also revealed her mother suffered through the abuse for quite some time before she decided to leave. Witnessing the abuse caused both Halle and her older sister Heidi to suffer from damage of being a child of domestic violence. Years after her mother finally left the relationship, Halle is giving her time to the organization in order to help those in need due to the horrific experience she’s had. Halle stated: The reason I say this organization is my heart and soul is because I understand the good that it does and the lives that it changes and the impact it has on women and the children in our community. (Originally printed on The Yolanda Adams Morning Show) Takita Mathieu, 26, of Houston, Texas was murdered by her ex-boyfriend last Wednesday. The ex-boyfriend had threatened to kill Mathieu 140 times.
Mathieu had previously reported the threats to her local police department, but they never took her seriously. They told her that at that moment, there was nothing they could do and there wasn’t enough evidence for them to act. Part of the job description of the police is to protect the rights of the citizens and uphold the law. They are supposed to catch law breakers before they commit any crime. However, in this case the police clearly failed to act in time. Mathieu had the right to be protected from her deranged boyfriend, but instead, even after 140 direct threats, her plea for protection fell on deaf ears.She was shot at approximately . She was shot at approximately 3:40 p.m. at her place of employment. The ex-boyfriend was reported to have been holding a semi-automatic gun when he entered Mathieu’s workplace. He shot her once in the head, then shot himself, but he survived. Her cousin, Morris Williams, said that Mathieu had ended the relationship four months ago. She reported that Mathieu was afraid due to the constant harassment she received over the phone. “She was afraid. Right now, this is a very sad day for my family, and she’s going to be truly missed by so many people,” Williams said. Williams further added that the police would not even reveal the name of the suspect who they caught. The police only said that he was in the hospital. Mathieu’s death will be felt heavily by the family, particularly by her daughter, who was being raised solely by Mathieu. Though the constitution says that the duty of the police is to protect citizens, the Supreme Court ruled that protecting people is not their job. They said that the police’s only duty is to investigate crimes and arrest criminals. (Story originally reported by Stephen Kanyi) Wife Pays Ultimate Price For Forgiving Abusive Husband As He Kills Her On The Way Home From Court2/26/2015 IT was an act of forgiveness that would kill her. Andrea Crew didn’t want her husband and the father of her children sent to jail, so she dropped domestic violence charges against him and left court with him by her side. She even held his hand. But in the car on the way home, Caleb Crew, 26, unleashed a ferocious attack, strangling Andrea, 31, to death with the very tie he had worn to his court appearance. The trouble started as soon as the couple, from Fairfax County, Virginia, left the building, the Mirror reports. As they drove home together, they started to argue, and Colombia-born Andrea threatened to call the police and report him again. Her husband — an ex-Marine who’d served time in Afghanistan — was angry and when they stopped outside a local bank the row turned violent. Crew, who has just been sentenced to life in prison for the August 2013 attack, pulled Andrea into the back seat of the couple’s Jeep and, in a rage, he throttled her. First he used his bare hands to render her unconscious and when he felt still had a pulse he stuffed his suit jacket into her mouth and wrapped the tie he’d worn to court around her neck and pulled it tight. He dumped her body in a nearby forest and later returned to get it under the cover of darkness, stuffing it into a bag weighted down with rocks before rolling it into a river. While he was disposing of their mother’s body, the couple’s two daughters, aged four and 11 months, were being cared for by a babysitter.
The next day, he went to the police and reported Andrea missing. Crew told them on the way home from court, they’d argued and she’d talked about taking their girls away from him. He said she’d walked off to think about things and hadn’t come back. Days later, a local man fishing on the river spotted a body and it was identified as Andrea. Crew was quickly arrested and once he was questioned, his story started to unravel. He admitted he’d killed his wife because he didn’t want to deal with another call to the police. A month before killing his wife, Crew had been charged for pouring motor oil over her head, an resulting in the fatal court appearance. Later, in an interview with police, Caleb Crew confessed to killing his wife in startling detail, telling them: “I took the phone. I grabbed her out of her chair. “I grabbed her throat and strangled her in the back seat,” he said. “First thing I said was ‘Goodbye’. I knew once I went down that path I couldn’t go back. She said, ‘Please Caleb’, I started crying but I couldn’t stop. When police asked him why he’d used his tie after strangling her, he replied simply, “To finish the job.” When the case reached a Virginia court in October 2014, he pleaded guilty to murder on the first day of the trial. He didn’t have much choice. The evidence was stacked against him. Rocks were found in Crew’s home that matched the ones found in the backpack that weighed Andrea down. The tie found around her neck also matched the one seen around her husband’s neck as he left court, captured on CCTV footage. “Evil visited Andrea Crew in the form of her husband,” prosecutor’s said. “Evil that manifested itself in a man that was able to look his wife in the eye and then choke the life out of her body.” Last month, Crew, now 27, was sentenced to life in jail. Andrea’s sister, Jeimmy Arias Pineda, said her sister was religious and always aimed to be a good role model for her children. The children, now aged two and six, are living with her relatives in Colombia. A Hempstead man accused of brutally killing his wife went on trial Thursday with prosecutors describing how he shot her eight times before stabbing her in the back, though his lawyer claims he was under “extreme duress” and is not guilty of murder. Leonard Reed, 47, faces up to life in prison if he’s convicted of murder, attempted murder of a police officer, two counts of second-degree criminal possession of a weapon and five counts of criminal contempt. Reed is accused of killing his wife, Diane Reed, in her Hempstead home on Nov. 7, 2013. “This case boils down to a phrase we’ve all heard before … ‘If I can’t have you, nobody will,’”Nassau County Assistant District Attorney Michael Walsh told jurors during an opening statement at Reed’s trial on Thursday. “Those are the words he uttered to his wife on Feb. 7 when he began to take her life.” Walsh said Diane Reed had sought an order of protection after her husband allegedly beat and pistol-whipped her during an incident in April 2011 – about eight months after their wedding. Although Diane Reed obtained an order of protection, Walsh said “it didn’t work.” He detailed an array of domestic incidents until Diane Reed moved out – relocating to a safe house – in late 2012. Reed then allegedly confronted his step-daughter at her job – demanding to know where Diane Reed had moved to – and she too obtained an order of protection – one that ordered Leonard Reed to stay away from her and their home, Walsh said. When Diane Reed moved back to her home on Feb. 3, 2013, her husband allegedly came into the house and the police are called, but he was not arrested. Four days later, Leonard Reed allegedly returned to the home with a loaded semi-automatic handgun and killed his wife, prosecutors said. “He decided if I can’t have you, no one will,” Walsh said of Reed. He said another woman who lived in the home heard two gunshots and rushed upstairs to the kitchen. “Diane Reed was lying face down in basically a fetal position and Leonard Reed was standing by the sink pointing a gun at her,” Walsh said. “He utters the words, ‘If I can’t have you, nobody will,’ and then bang, another shot.” A few minutes later, a Hempstead police officer rushed into the home and Reed allegedly fired two gunshots at him, Walsh said. The officer was not hit and retreated outside until backup arrived. Walsh said Reed was involved in a stand-off and firefight with police that lasted about ten minutes. But during that time, Reed left the front door – where he had been allegedly shooting at the cops – and went back to the kitchen. Inside, he was heard shouting, “B– you’re not dead yet,” and then allegedly shot his wife again before stabbing her in the back 10 times, Walsh said. He later returned to the doorway and surrendered. “There’s no doubt Mr. Reed is responsible here,” his lawyer, Toni Marie Angeli told jurors. “The question is to what degree and to what charge …This is not an intentional act of homicide but manslaughter,” she said. Angeli said the couple’s rocky relationship caused Leonard Reed stress. The defense attorney, who described the incident as “brutal, senseless and tragic” told jurors they will need to consider whether Diane Reed’s killing was a “calculated act” or if her client suffered “extreme emotional disturbance” because he was “operating such intense and overwhelming duress.” Testimony in the case is expected to continue Thursday afternoon at the Nassau County Court in Mineola. Let's face it: sometimes our best plans and intentions don't work and we find ourselves back at square one. It is during these time that we feel like a failure and we want to give up. I remember starting my coaching business over 10 years ago and struggling with identifying my target market and marketing my services. I had a fancy website and no customers coming through the door, and my cash register was not ringing at all. I felt like a failure and that my "dream job" had steered me in the wrong direction. I decided that quitting wasn't my answer, but instead I needed to start over.
"But where do I start?" I asked myself over and over again. We've all had to start over in some area of our lives like our career, marriage, business, education, diet, etc. It is so easy to revel in the disbelief of the disappointment that we forget the power of pursuing what is next on the horizon if we keep moving. Here are my seven reminders on How to Start Over Without Regret: 1. Leverage your failures. Instead of quitting when things don't work out, leverage the learning from your failures. Ask yourself, "What is working or what did work in my situation or circumstance?" Write down even the small things that are your successes. When things don't go as planned, we often have the all-or-nothing attitude but instead, I want you to do more of what IS working. In my case, I was great at networking, but I was networking in the wrong locations with younger entrepreneurs and not attracting my ideal clients. What was working for me was networking, but I needed to change venues to network with professional women who could afford my services instead of marketing to women who were in startup businesses. 2. Dump your junk. Don't bring your old attitude and expect to create new outcomes. It's tough not to fault the things, people and reactions that have hurt you or caused you to start over, but if your goal is to start fresh, you can't do that reading yesterday's news. Dump your junk and move on and decide that it doesn't matter why it didn't work; it only matters that you have decided you deserve more in this new season of your life. Decide to give your new season a fresh start without baggage. (This one takes practice.) 3. Don't announce that you are starting over. Just do it. You don't need to validate your choices to make a change in your life. Just do it. Nike said it best. Move on and everyone around you will soon see the change in your life. Your next steps aren't about anyone but you being comfortable with your new choices and this new season. No public polls necessary. When we are insecure about our future we often consult others so that we feel better or to prepare them for our shift. This isn't required or necessary. 4. Recycle what worked. Don't discard everything that represents the failed marriage, job/career, etc. Instead, recycle the gifts that these experiences taught you. Even bad experiences start off good. So ask yourself, "What did I love about this experience and what would I never do again?" Use this restart opportunity as motivation to begin again wiser and stronger, and use your bag of tools called "learning lessons" as a result of your experience. 5. Prepare for your weak times. Plan in advance for those times when you will feel like going back to what did not work for you and create a solution in advance. It might mean that you delete phone numbers to prevent yourself from calling people in your weakest moments. It might mean not buying sweets for the house if you know that stress will make you eat more than your share. Whatever you do, plan for your weakest moments in advance. We all have moments where we vacillate between what is best for us and what is easy for us to have now. Challenge your "now" and replace it with what you want to see in your life long term. 6. Celebrate your baby steps. Remember to acknowledge all progress toward your new goal. Sometimes, we set milestones that are too far away instead of understanding that the long run is just a bunch of short runs, and that we can and should celebrate along the way. If you sell that business at a loss, celebrate that you are no longer attached to it. If you end a toxic friendship that lacked trust, rejoice that you now have room to create authentic new relationships. 7. Take a new route. The unknown is scary, but it is also equally scary to do what you know and continue down a dismal path. Give yourself permission to play bigger although you are starting over. So often when we start over we become timid and afraid to swing for the fences because we are so busy recovering from an intimate dance with failure. Understand that success is built on mistakes and lessons learned. You can still have what you want even if you didn't get what you wanted in the past. 8. Keep moving. Standing still is the recipe for disaster. I want you to move and try something different to change your view. As you move toward your new vision for your life, you will meet new people, opportunities and experiences waiting for you to play full out. I'm writing this column on The Huffington Post because I attended an event and had the privilege to introduce myself to Arianna Huffington and share my work with her, and as a result, learned about this opportunity. What if I decided to stay home that day and not attend that networking event? You wouldn't be reading this post. 9. Learn from your haters. Yes them. What others think of you really isn't your business so stop replaying that track. The people who study, watch and obsess over you know how powerful you are and that is why they are threatened by you. Instead of asking yourself, "Why do they hate on me?" Ask yourself, "What do they see in me?" It is the answer to this questions that will allow you to elevate this energy and understand that your haters are there to teach you a very important lesson. They see your talent, brilliance and potential sometimes more than you do. Starting over is inevitable. Share with me how you are planning your new start. (Article previously written by Mia Redrick) The number of American troops killed in Afghanistan and Iraq between 2001 and 2012 was 6,488. The number of American women who were murdered by current or ex male partners during that time was 11,766. That's nearly double the amount of casualties lost during war. Women are much more likely to be victims of intimate partner violence with 85 percent of domestic abuse victims being women and 15 percent men. Too many women have been held captive by domestic violence -- whether through physical abuse, financial abuse, emotional abuse or a combination of all three. We are inundated with news stories about domestic violence , from athletes beating their significant others in public elevators or in their own homes to celebrities publicly abusing their girlfriends. This problem is not one that will go away quickly or quietly. As Domestic Violence Awareness Month comes to an end, discussions about intimate partner abuse and its horrible repercussions should not. In an attempt to illustrate the gravity of abuse all genders (but largely women) face in the U.S., we rounded up 30 statistics on domestic violence. Domestic violence is not a singular incident, it's an insidious problem deeply rooted in our culture -- and these numbers prove that. 3 The number of women murdered every day by a current or former male partner in the U.S. 38,028,000 The number of women who have experienced physical intimate partner violence in their lifetimes. American Psychological Association 4,774,000 The number of women in the U.S. who experience physical violence by an intimate partner ever year. 1,509 The number of women murdered by men they knew in 2011. Of the 1,509 women,926 were killed by an intimate parter and 264 of those were killed by an intimate partner during an argument. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention 18,000 The number of women who have been killed by men in domestic violence disputes since 2003. 1 in 4 The number of women who will be victims of severe violence by an intimate partner in their lifetimes. 1 in 7 The number of men who will be victims of severe violence by an intimate partner in their lifetimes. World Health Organization 8,000,000 The number of days of paid work women lose every year because of the abuse perpetrated against them by current or former male partners. This loss is equivalent to over 32,000 full-time jobs. 40-45 The percentage of women in physically abusive relationships who are raped and/or assaulted during the relationship. Domestic Violence Statistics 18,500,000 The number of mental health care visits due to intimate partner violence every year. $948 The average cost of emergency care for intimate partner violence related incidents for women. The average cost for men is $387. American Psychological Association 2 in 5 The number of gay or bisexual men who will experience intimate partner violence in their lifetimes. 50 The percentage of lesbian women who will experience domestic violence (not necessarily intimate partner violence) in their lifetimes. 81 The percentage of women who are stalked by a current or former male partner who are also physically abused by that partner. Risk Factors for Femicide in Abusive Relationships: Results From A Multisite Case Control Study 70 The percentage of women worldwide who will experience physical and/or sexual abuse by an intimate partner during their lifetimes. 98 The percentage of financial abuse that occurs in all domestic violence cases. The number one reason domestic violence survivors stay or return to the abusive relationship is because the abuser controls their money supply, leaving them with no financial resources to break free. University of Minnesota's Institute on Domestic Violence in the African American Community $5,800,000,000 The estimated cost of incidents of intimate partner violence perpetrated against women in the U.S. in 1995 alone. 21 The number of LGBT people murdered by their intimate partners in 2013. Fifty percent of them were people of color. This is the highest documented level of domestic violence homicide in the LGBT community in history. 2.6x The amount of times more likely a transgender person of color is to become a victim of intimate partner violence than a non-LGBT person. National Coalition for the Homelessness
70x The amount of times more likely a woman is to be murdered in the few weeks after leaving her abusive partner than at any other time in the relationship. 10,000,000 The number of children exposed to domestic violence every year. 25 The percentage of physical assaults perpetrated against women that are reported to the police annually. Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) for the National Domestic Violence Hotline or visit the National Sexual Assault Online Hotline operated by RAINN. For more resources, visit the National Sexual Violence Resource Center's website. |
AuthorThe Dollicia F. Holloway Memorial Foundation, Inc, a registered 501(c)(3) Not-For-Profit Educational Organization Archives
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